why I journal

“It was a folly, with the materiality of this daily life pressing so intrusively upon me, to attempt to fling myself back into another age; or to insist on creating the semblance of a world out of airy matter, when, at every moment, the impalpable beauty of my soap-bubble was broken by the rude contact of some actual circumstance. The wiser effort would have been, to diffuse thought and imagination through the opaque substance of to-day, and thus to make it a bright transparency; to spiritualize the burden that began to weigh so heavily; to seek, resolutely, the true and indestructible value that lay hidden in the petty and wearisome incidents, and ordinary characters, with which I was now conversant. The fault was mine. The page of life that was spread out before seemed dull and common-place, only because I had not fathomed its deeper import. A better book than I shall ever write was there; leaf after leaf presenting itself to me, just as it was written out by the reality of the flitting hour, and vanishing as fast as written, only because my brain wanted the insight and my hand the cunning to transcribe it. At some future day, it may be, I shall remember a few scattered fragments and broken paragraphs, and write them down, and find the letters turn to gold upon the page.”

-Nathaniel Hawthorne, “The Custom House”

(hello, American literature. it’s nice to see you again.)

0141-0164: round two.

This week has been so hectic, and I am left feeling pretty incoherent.  But at the end, here I am.  I’m not a freshman anymore.  Instead of a myriad of introductions and events, everything new and strange, I met the dear and familiar.  Friends tackled in me on the sidewalk, in Walmart, and I never knew when I would suddenly run into another friend.  These 2 days have been spent decorating, making a home, catching up, and laughing.

Tomorrow:  First classes.  The work begins. 

But on this Sunday evening, I count my blessings:

0141:  parents willing to help me move in
0142:  EVERYTHING fit in our little Taurus.
0143:  a safe drive up to school
0144:  a fun dinner with my parents
0145:  I didn’t forget anything!
0146:  showing my parents around campus the night before moving in
0147:  introducing my parents to my friends as we all moved in
0148:  my closet is big(ger than it was last year)
0149:  I have shelves on the wall!
0150:  smaller floor space, but more storage (maybe will make for a cleaner room?)
0151:  the finishing touches on this room that make it my home.
0152:  big, big hugs
0153:  deep belly laughs
0154:  love.  so, so, so much love.
0155:  rest.  soul-rest, heart-rest, body-rest.
0156:  first Sunday back at this church
0157:  a service that always brings me to the cross
0158:  communion at His table.
0159:  bubble blisters
0160:  these girls.  every one of them. 
0161:  the way each of them makes me laugh in a different way.  each brings me a different kind of joy.  each friendship is deep & beautiful.
0162:  sunshine.
0163:  hearing how God worked in & through a friend on the domestic mission field.  great encouragement.
0164:  Because the sinless Savior died, my sinful soul is counted free / For God the Just is satisfied to look on Him & pardon me…

0124 – 0140: summer’s end.

My summer is officially waning to a close.  The explosions in the living room & my bedroom look no better…but they will soon.  My day today will be spent sorting, cleaning, grouping, counting, double-checking – and all the while, listening for the exact moment the dryer stops, so I can start a new load of laundry immediately.  Funny how I "never have anything to wear", but I have SO much laundry! 

Despite all these things – the mess and the fight against procrastination – I have had some really good days.  Here’s the best of ‘em:

0124:  a day in the woods with my freshman roommate
0125:  meeting part of her extended family
0126:  who live in a garage converted to a 2-story home.  it’s beautiful & so cool. [they are building their own actual house.  by themselves.]
0127:  she’s right – Mennonites are amazing cooks. 
0128:  eating sun-warmed blackberries right off the vine (…they grow on vines, right?)
0129:  canoeing for the first time since the Canoeing Disaster of 2008.
0130:  not falling in this time.
0131:  sore muscles afterwards
0132:  learning to skip rocks
0133:  “There was once a Velveteen Rabbit, & in the beginning he was really splendid…”
0134:  “Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin…” 
0135:   “In an old house in Paris that was covered with vines lived twelve little girls in two straight lines…”
0136:  campfire for pudgy pies (so fun to say) & s’mores.
0137:  “What people or experiences in your life so far have been most formative?” – great dinner conversation
0138:  big, big hugs
0139:  my roommate.  all of her, & everything she is.  
0140:  Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee / & Thy beauty fills my soul, / for by Thy transforming power, /  Thou hast made me whole.