The Cultivation of Christmas Trees, 1954

There are several attitudes towards Christmas,
Some of which we may disregard:
The social, the torpid, the patently commercial,
The rowdy (the pubs being open till midnight),
And the childish – which is not that of the child
For whom the candle is a star, and the gilded angel
Spreading its wings at the summit of the tree
Is not only a decoration, but an angel.
The child wonders at the Christmas Tree:
Let him continue in the spirit of wonder
At the Feast as an event not accepted as a pretext;
So that the glittering rapture, the amazement
Of the first-remembered Christmas Tree,
So that the surprises, delight in new possessions
(Each one with its peculiar and exciting smell),
The expectation of the goose or turkey
And the expected awe on its appearance,
So that the reverence and the gaiety
May not be forgotten in later experience,
In the bored habituation, the fatigue, the tedium,
The awareness of death, the consciousness of failure,
Or in the piety of the convert
Which may be tainted with a self-conceit
Displeasing to God and disrespectful to the children
(And here I remember also with gratitude
St. Lucy, her carol, and her crown of fire):
So that before the end, the eightieth Christmas
(By ‘eightieth’ meaning whichever is last)
The accumulated memories of annual emotion
May be concentrated into a great joy
Which shall also be a great fear, as on the occasion
When fear came upon every soul:
Because the beginning shall remind us of the end
And the first coming of the second coming.

[T. S. Eliot]

0201-0214: delight.

Growing up, I thought the primary way to show affection was to serve.  My family raised me to love through service—not a bad thing for a kid to learn, really.  But somewhere along the way, I got the idea that God also only loves through doing.  We need air to breathe, so He gave us trees.  We can’t see in the dark, so He gave us the sun & moon.  We fell, so He sent a Savior. 

I am learning, slowly and falteringly, that God’s love and God’s affection are inextricably linked.  That He draws me near, not out of mere necessity, but from sheer delight.  That I am lovely because He loves me. 

Wow.  Just…wow.

And so I count these simple gifts—sent because I am His, and He shows His affection in ways my feeble understanding can grasp:

0201:  A cancelled 9 AM class. Extra rest.
0202:  Last test before finals, completed.  And it went better than I expected, largely due to my friends who learn kinetically.
0203: “Why do you worry so much about things you can’t control?” [so. true.]  Gentle reminders from friends. 
0204:  My memorization file.  Categorized.  Full of verses (both Scripture and poetry) and prayer requests to remember.
0205:  Testimonies shared.
0206:  They asked us for Bibles.
0207:  60 degree weather.  Sunshine.  In November!
0208:  Prayer doesn’t change God…it changes me.
0209:  Productive Saturday.
0210:  Paper idea approved…and I’m really excited about this one.
0211:  Feeling at home in a church.  Truly at home. 
0212:  The tangibility of kneeling, of corporate prayer, of coming forward to receive Communion.
0213:  The Lord has promised good to me, His word my hope secures; He will my Shield & Portion be, as long as life endures. 
0214:  “Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by the arms, but they did not know that I healed them.  I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them.” [Hosea 11.1-4 ESV]

0181-0200: autumn.

These weeks have been long.  They’ve been stressful.  I’ve laughed a lot; cried some; slept little.  You’ll notice that a lot of these thankfuls have to do with rest and/or friends.  It’s what happens in college, I guess.  God reminds me continually that neither my body nor my heart is independent.

So many things to be thankful for, and I’ve missed counting week by week.  But life is about stumbling and getting back up, and so I pick up right where I left off…

0181:  this girl came to visit me:

0182:  I got to show my sister my world.  introduce her to my friends.  hear her infectious giggle. 
0183:  already November, and I haven’t gotten sick yet.
0184:  sunshine after days of gray, damp cold.
0185:  friends who cheer me up with faces like this:

 
0186:  “I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.” [psalm 3.3]
0187:  the Puritans.  Edward Taylor.  Anne Bradstreet.
0188:  English tests.  Exhausting (physically, mentally, and emotionally)…but oh, so fun (if you’re prepared)!
0189:  making new friends.
0190:  This website.  A guy who sat down with his acoustic guitar and sang the whole book of Ephesians.  [click on “music” link at the top.]
0191:  brilliant fall colors.  my school is the most beautiful place on earth in the fall.
0192:  crisp air, corn mazes, hay rides, windblown hair, fall colors, and friends to enjoy it all with:

0193:  the friend who woke me up when I slept 10 minutes into a midterm. 0194:  a gracious professor whose only reaction was to hug me and ask if everything was okay.  
0195:  friends who threw a blanket over me when I fell asleep on their floor after that long week…who let me sleep there for 10 uninterrupted hours.
0196:  inspiration to finish each writing assignment well.
0197:  “Wash me white as snow, & I will be made whole…”  [Jon Foreman, “White as Snow”]
0198:  “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were f a r  o f f have been brought near by the blood of Christ.  For He Himself is our peace…” [Eph. 2] 
0199:  loose-leaf black raspberry passion-fruit tea. mmm…
0200:  “Anchor my heart on Me, thy Rock.
           I do in thee Delight.” [Edward Taylor, “Christ’s Reply”]