promises & praise: 0082-0095

This week started well.  But then struggle spiraled downward.  
Focus...gone. 
Motivation...none. 
Prayer...inarticulate, distracted.
Scripture reading...last priority.  Even when I knew it should be my first comfort.  
Guilt...off the charts.
My soul crawled to the Lord's Table on Sunday morning.

And because God is good, faithful to His promises, abounding in grace, mercy, and steadfast love, my soul left that Table singing a new song.  And so this week, I give thanks for...  

0082:  This post by Sarah Markley on forgiveness.  ("He’d rather us hug one another, but when we can’t just bring ourselves to throw our arms around the neck of someone who has wounded us in our soul, He is there. We can fall into Him and be reconciled to one another BECAUSE of Him".  Amen & amen.)

0083:  pictures of my new baby nephew.

0084:  my younger (now taller) sister.  and her infectious giggle.

0085:  cool breeze and 80 degrees.  finally. 

0086.  a porch swing on which to enjoy #85. 

0087:  after-dark driving with my dad.

0088:  "Is anyone among you in trouble?  He should pray."  (even if all I can pray is "Father...hold me.")

0089:  "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

0090:  "...the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials..."

0091:  "The word of the LORD is upright, and all His work is done in faithfulness."

0092:  "The earth is full of the steadfast love of the LORD."

0093:  "He spoke, and it came to be; He commanded, and it stood firm."

0094: "Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His steadfast love, that He may deliver their soul from death and keep them alive in famine."  

0095:  "My sin -- not in part, but the whole -- is nailed to the cross, & I bear it no more.  Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!" 

mercy cuts deep

The only thing harder than asking forgiveness is to ask it...and live with its denial.  Even if you hear the words “I forgive you”, words ring false.  Averted eyes, icy silence, stolen friends, complete rejection – these speak the truth in the heart. 

I do not understand.  I cannot fathom how someone can sing of God’s mercy and grace on sinners, but refuse to extend that God-given forgiveness to a repentant sister.  That’s not how it's supposed to work, I protest.  So much of me wants to cry out:  This is not fair. 

But I cannot be angry.  I cannot be resentful, or bitter.  I cannot even want justice, because the penalty has already been borne by Another.  To cry out for more justice is to curse the blood that covers me.   

Still I struggle, because all that is not of God in me is not satisfied with that answer.

And yet, what do I read?  God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  While I am still a sinner, Christ died for me.  While they are still sinners, Christ died for them.  This Gospel I sing compels me to believe that neither of us will receive justice.  Not only to believe it, but to rejoice in it.  

The cross gives me hope that one day, long-held grudges and old wounds will not matter.  We will all praise the Giver of the grace lavished upon us.  And not just grace that we ourselves have received, but that has been poured upon all who trust in the name of Jesus - even those who caused the wounds.  

"Let us wonder grace & justice,

Join & point to mercy's store.

When through grace in Christ our trust is -- 

Justice smiles, and asks no more."

(Photo:  A church in the Bronx.  Taken as I sat in New York Friday traffic.)

bride & groom

There he stands, watching her come towards him.  She’s so excited; she  has eyes for no one but him.  And he—well, just look at his face.  She is his bride.  As he places the ring on her finger, she laughs in incredulity: “Is this real? Are you really making this promise to me?”  Yes.  The rings are the sign.

I never understood the power of the Church as the Bride of Christ, the Groom, until this moment when I saw this human groom’s face.  Because instead of wondering whether a man would ever look at me in that way and place a symbol on my finger, I realized – one day, my Savior will gaze upon me with even greater love.  The seal of the promise is not a metal circle, but scarred wrists, bloody feet, a new heart.  And I shall see His face.  I am His bride.  He is my Groom.

I know that the Church collectively is the Bride, not mere individuals.  Christ, in His love, will see us as one.  But a groom doesn’t just love his bride as a whole being; he cherishes every part of her.  Her big, shining eyes.  Her soft, long hair.  Her dimples.  Her nose and the way it wrinkles when she laughs.  Her tiny hands and feet.  Her smile.  Her voice.  Everything that makes up who she is, he treasures.  He examines the details of each feature with delight.

And so, just as Christ will look upon His Bride, the Church, with unimaginable love, so He will gaze upon me.  So He will delight in you.  And we together shall see His face – distant now as we walk down this long aisle of the years, but coming closer, closer…

O Lord, haste the day.

(Thank you, Kristen & James, for inviting me to be part of your God-honoring wedding celebration.  May God bless your life together richly, and keep us all ever-focused on the eternal wedding feast.)