The only thing harder than asking forgiveness is to ask it...and live with its denial. Even if you hear the words “I forgive you”, words ring false. Averted eyes, icy silence, stolen friends, complete rejection – these speak the truth in the heart.
I do not understand. I cannot fathom how someone can sing of God’s mercy and grace on sinners, but refuse to extend that God-given forgiveness to a repentant sister. That’s not how it's supposed to work, I protest. So much of me wants to cry out: This is not fair.
But I cannot be angry. I cannot be resentful, or bitter. I cannot even want justice, because the penalty has already been borne by Another. To cry out for more justice is to curse the blood that covers me.
Still I struggle, because all that is not of God in me is not satisfied with that answer.
And yet, what do I read? God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. While I am still a sinner, Christ died for me. While they are still sinners, Christ died for them. This Gospel I sing compels me to believe that neither of us will receive justice. Not only to believe it, but to rejoice in it.
The cross gives me hope that one day, long-held grudges and old wounds will not matter. We will all praise the Giver of the grace lavished upon us. And not just grace that we ourselves have received, but that has been poured upon all who trust in the name of Jesus - even those who caused the wounds.
"Let us wonder grace & justice,
Join & point to mercy's store.
When through grace in Christ our trust is --
Justice smiles, and asks no more."
(Photo: A church in the Bronx. Taken as I sat in New York Friday traffic.)
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